look no pants
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Did we literally take a cab across the street
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
