Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
