She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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