Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
