Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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