The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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