I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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