ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
