I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
