Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
