What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
