I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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