i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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