I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
