Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
