The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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