a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
