I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
