I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
