Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
