I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
