The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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