Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
