They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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