benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
