That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
