..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
