He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
