dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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