Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
