everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
