So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I need to calm my uterus...
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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