Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
