I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
