First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I lost the right to judge tonight
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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