We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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