he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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