i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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