Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
