I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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