just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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