So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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