So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
