Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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