someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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