so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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