I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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