I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
