Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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