The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
