I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
